Comment to be added

So, Laurel has reminded me that I still have yet to update about my New York trip. So I shall put off my uncompletable paper (the school e-mail is down and the questions are in there!) and make an entry instead. Beware this is probably going to be a long one.

( Saturday: See the Seagulls and feel at home )
( Sunday: Gawdy Bawdy 42nd street )
( Monday: Watching Tourists Reading Maps )

I was quite sad to leave on Tuesday. Quite. It took me 19 years to get to that city. I didn't want to go after only 3 days. One day though... There's no keeping me away now. Oh no.


</lj>

( The Movie Meme )

Stolen from Jill and Alex

1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post along with these instructions
5. Don't search for the coolest book; use the one that's honestly closest

from The Career Guide for Creative and Unconventional People:

"A life of rigorous discipline and unending hardship can be unnecessarily bleak and even counterproductive."

One would think that would be obvious.

-Well, nothing else interesting to report. Good Meeting with Career Couselor caused me to be in possession of the above book. There is a large Caffiene molecule on the door to our dorm room. I have to buy at lot of painting supplies for TH 230. Yeah, see why I'm reduced to the above?

So, hung out with Kristin this evening, and was held to my lowest bowling score in a long time, which takes skill, since these scores are all rather low to begin with. All those flashing coloured lights were extremely distracting. Well, anyway, us girls got to talking so in addition, we actually made some resolutions. This is the first time since freshman year I've actually made New Year's resolutions, so let's just hope that unlike freshman year, people don't go insane and start hating me for them. And here they are so you can hold me to them and make sure I stick to my goals.

1: Work out at least twice a week. And no, studio work does not count.

2: Write more. I haven't done a real lodging house story since...uh...I had to rebuild the old computer and that was over the summer, so it's been quite some time and there's oh so much to write about.

3: Stand up for myself. Pretty self explanatory, I think.

4: Stop falling head first for members of the male persuasion. In addition to this, if I must persist in these "crushes" as they have been called, concoct plans of ensnarement that actually make sense and could feasibly work on this lovely planet we call earth.

5: Figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, so I can stop feeling so hopeless about my future.

6:  Learn how to summon a 20 year old Marlon Brando to be my boyfriend, because this would probably be easier than getting people to notice me.

7: Try to eat more than 3 meals a week. For this is heathy, or so I'm told.

8: Continue doing rather tremendously in my classes, which will be a little more complicated next semester considering one of my classes, but...we'll see, who knows I might have a knack for it.

9: Stop taking everything to heart, 'cause it annoys other people and upsets me more than it ever should.

and finally...
10: TALK! And by that I mean...communicate with other human beings and hopefully develop a social circle in Alliance Hell, in case #3 falls through in the parental area.

So...watching Bridget Jones's Diary yesterday reminded me of something very important, which I should have thought of considering the quote is my xanga icon, "Everybody knows diaries are full of crap." Yeah, Amy...you know better than to take everything you read at face value. There were times when I didn't think very highly of people who I now hold in very high esteem. I'm just gonna try and forget it ever happened. Maybe it's being in denile, but it might be better for all concerned.

Anyway, The New Year's preparations have officially been finalized. My house at 7-7:30-ish. There will be plenty of food, considering I have been way into cooking again, now that I have the capabilities. Also there's a great deal to keep the guests amused. I mean, that's only if people think my sparkling company isn't enough. *smirk*

What Will littlelotty Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	dynagirl_craze
Pair of Socks from	bronzed
Bottle of Whiskey from	peanutsgrl
Cd from	eyes_like_ashes
Something Cuddly from	pineapple_mush
Something Intoxicating from	tilthesunsets
Something Silly from	rainbowdarling
Something Funny from	lehcarnamhsiel
Lump of coal from	outcast_rogue
Something Pretty from	spawn_of_akasha
Something Shiny from	manawski
Something Naughty from	fadedfailure
Something Smelly from	teezer_1328
Something Breakable from	broadway_babe_9
Something Useful from	audrey_jo
Something not useful from	freakinkubli
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	kattabean
Livejournal account from	arseaboutface
The Make-up Bag from	figletofvenice
Stack of DVDs from	eellewzeeya
Something Geeky from	artemischan

Username:

Made by _imran_ and beyond_bananas.
Hosted at Memeland

Somehow I wouldn't have expected any less from Jill...*grins*


Well, today was the day I set aside for delivering presents to people. This it, Jess, this is it. Maybe...If I don't chicken out. Anyway, I unfortunately won't be able to deliever two of my best presents because it just -had- to ice storm last night and according to my aunt, "Township roads are terrible!" Bah! Oh well...I'm off to do my deliveries now and I'm nervous as all get out.

This is caused by me taking another study break

( Year in Review Survey )

*sings* Carnation City...Alliance, Ohio...my heart is with you...

Gag me! Is there some reason we weren't presented with this song until the dress rehersal? I have never even seen cello notes with that many legers lines. The least they could have done was write it in treble clef, so I could transpose and not have to count 20 leger lines. Or it would have been really nice to not give those notes to the cellos at all. And what kind of sick bastard writes their town anthem in five flats?

*sigh* I want a Union Grounds Mocha...coffee shops should be open on Saturdays!

Okay, I helped Jessie set up a livejournal spawn_of_akasha. And check out the lovely layout...I made that thing in paint. Yes...Microsoft Paint. *grins* I'm pretty damn proud of that fact. I am currently working on some new stuff for Greenpoint and Astoria. (And Hoboken, I haven't forgotten it, Crystal baby, not all) And now something for Rachel apparently! *grins* I love it. If only I could get people to pay me to do this shit.

ETA : You've got to check out Jill's (artemischan) now too! *shakes head* What a girl won't do to avoid having to actually study, let me tell ya.

I really should go over and find out if I got a call back before orchestra, but...I'm too sacred to do so. Yeah...I know...sue me. I'm probably not missing anything anyway.

Everyone will be proud to know that I have finished the second page of the paper from hell which should eventually be 15 pages long and this has taken me two days. And guess what else, I got a failing grade on yet another speech. Go me?

I am not in a good mood today, for I have learned that honesty is not always the best policy. With that in mind...

( The Christmas thingy Half my friendslist did today )

And of course, to get back on track with these things, why is Thomas cool? Well, there's one all important reason. He does wonders for my self-esteem.

Hey! Who wants to get a holiday card from moi? I just went out and bought some really cute ones, so....

Anyway, if I don't already know your address or if you think I don't (which I most likely don't cause I forget things easily) let me know...I'll make sure the comments are screened too.

Being holiday spirited is fun..though it'd be better if my holiday pine ropping garland wouldn't fall down. *sigh*

Also, Ash, my mum says I'm allowed to go up there and visit you [and if we could sneak in a college tour, that'd rock ;)] You've just got to let me know when you're free and I'll try and find transportation.

Ganked this one from Jilly and Alex...woohoo!

Put all your songs into one playlist. Put the playlist on random. For the first twenty songs, post your favorite line. If an instrumental comes up, just skip it. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then everyone else tries to guess what song it is. Simple enough, eh? (This is somewhat similar that that lyrics game thing we did in IM away message way back when, ain't it, loves?)

1. Why do you look so familiar? I could swear that I've seen your face before.
2. Things they do look awful c-c-cold. I hope I die before I get old.
3. What made me think that I could survive all the wear and tear?
4. And if your train's on time, you can get to work by nine.
5. Once again life's thrown me a curve and it blew up right in my face
6. Can you help me out with my chemistry?
7. Now we're spinning empty bottles. It's the five of us, with pretty eyed boys girls die to trust.
8. The script it called for rain, but it was clear that day.
9. We can live like Jack and Sally, if you want to.
10. Letters I've written, never meaning to send
11. I should have stayed on the farm. Should listened to my old man.
12. Was she crying out in vain? Did you even know her name?
13. Something had a hold on me, when Angel passed close by.
14. How long must I wait? How much more can I take?
15. Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise, but you've got me seeing through different eyes.
16. Someone's gonna tell you lies, cut you down to size.
17. I hear their cries, just say if it's too late for me.
18. And as the players tried to take the field, the marching band refused to yield.
19. It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.
20. Welcome to the kind of tension, all across the alienation. Everything isn't meant to be okay.

I sincerely doubt any of you can get some of these without the aide of search engines. Hell...I can't even remember and I just did the damn thing. Also...I really thought I get more musicals...but apparently my Media Player really thinks I love classic rock today, which I'm okay with...cause I do love classic rock.

Heh...and while you're at it:
1. Reply to this post if you want/need me to tell you how cool you are!
2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you and why I think you kick serious ass.
3. If you like, Post these instructions in your journal and give your friends a much needed dose of love and adoration!

(but only if you try to guess at least one song as well. I make people pay to know why they're cool.)

Okay, since the only kind of man I can seem to attract is a crazed maniac who wants to sleep with anything that happens to have breasts and a high-pitched voice, I'd like to introduce a bit of information to all the men out there. What Amy Renee Catherine, the beautiful redhead with aquamarine eyes with little silver flecks in them is looking for in a man. Crazed sex maniacs beware...this guide does not inculde you.

1. There are certain physically attributes I notice...they are:
A) Height: You better be taller than me, that's all I'm saying.
B) Arms: Do you have them? Sorry any interested armless bolks, but....I have this thing about being held.
C) Vision: I find eyes attractive, but I can't say what about them. I can say that a guy with vision correction of some kind has increased his sexiness by at least 25.67%

2. There are certain things going on inside that brain that I really take note of...inculding:
A) Are you up on current events? I don't want to debate ever second of the relationship, but I would really adore it if you knew who Tony Blair was or something to that extent.
B) Do you read? And I mean newspapers (more than just the sports section) and books. It doesn't have to inculde any fine literature but knowing Poe, Hemingway, and Austen will get you extra points.
C)Are you well versed in a multitude of subjects? This is kinda the catch all here. Now, I don't expect my future boyfriend to know the periodic table by heart or quote Dickens, but it would be nice if he would laugh about my "Schrödinger's Cat Is Dead" t-shirt or do more then bob his head politely while I babble for hours about various historical eras.
D) The laugh brings us to D. Do you have a sense of humor? Humor is the most important attibute in a man, at least I think so. Also, I expect humor to be more than making jokes, I want a witty guy. Wit is so much better than just straight funny, especially if it's a satirical wit.
E) What's your code of morality like? Okay, guys from recent meeting...you're out on this one...though most of you were out on the "Do you read?" question. Now, I'm not entirely basing this on religion, but I want our moral kinds to slightly align. I was born and raised Catholic so there are things I strongly don't believe in, but I don't go with my church 100% on all things. A lot of it, such as strong sense of loyalty being important, comes from a very loving and large Italian family. (thus making always very important for you to like pasta, so that the relatives will not have you stoned in the city centre.)
F) Can you put up with my weird quirks? I'm not asking you to go be in a chorus line with me, or Hell, even go see me in a chorus line, if you really don't want to, but if you're gonna cringe at Classical music and completely flip out and go postal about going to museums of art, I will be disappointed. You don't have to love it, but there are some oddities to who I am and if you can't take the fact that I'm fascinated by leave prints on cement enough to take pictures of them, or that I love to eat ice cream in the winter, then you're better off not bothering. Also you have note the fact that I may try to take you dancing. I like dancing, but it'll be swing dancing or something and I'll have taught it to you first so we don't look like a couple of epileptic hamsters.

3. And this is most important: Do you have something you are passionate about? I don't care what it is. Do you love football? History? Art? Cinema? anything. If it gets your blood going and you caring then it's perfect. I don't know why this is important, but it's the single most important thing.

Think you can tolerate spending time with someone who lives everyday with an unceasing passion that just may cause them to eventually explode? I'd love it if someone out there (other than someone who's just really desperate to get laid) would apply for the job. I may just have to pass out this as a flyer..cause I'm an old-fashioned girl. And as much as people tell me too. I probably won't say a thing until he does first.

Why does this college send bills to me too? It makes me think about money and when one thinks about money, they never feel well.

But anyway...I've been thinking about this Nano thing. I seriously wonder if I'm gonna finish it. I mean, it's just getting really dumb now. There's a whole page devoted to the fact that Carrie had to throw some flowers out the window. The beginning was really funny and cute, but now...now, it's like babbling crap. *sigh* I'm so much better at writing short stories and poetry. I'm just a regular Poe. Yeah, now I just need to get really morbid on everyone...Nevermore!

Oh well...my school's gonna be on ESPN tomorrow. Woohoo?

So, what did I do this weekend? I learned that I made two terrible mistakes about this time last year. Neither of which I will ever recover from. Ever. No wonder I'm so unhappy all the freaking time. So, I've finally learned my lesson, but now it's to late to fix it. Plus, no one really cares anyway. As my mother said, and I agree, "There's only so many time you can go to the well and come back empty before you begin to lose hope that there will ever be anything in the well." Story of my life.

So, I finally got together with my Barefoot in the Park partner, Kevin (aka one of the numerous attractive young gentlemen in my theatre class...*le sigh*). He's seems like a nice kid and all, actually showed me where the books are in the library. (Yes, Rachel, I now know the location of the books and I wasn't crazy, you really do have to look for them, I was just going up the wrong staircase.) There's one problem though. We were going through the scene and I realized one thing. He "acts" like Eric! It was eiree beyond believe, but when he acts, he sounds just like him, vocal intonations and everything. It was just...wow! Creepy!

Also: I'm so psyched about my nanowrimo. I actually thought of a plot today while I was in Public Speaking and Dr. Davis and the guys were have an insane debate of speaking credibility vs actual credibility. I'm so giddy about it. It's idiotic, but it's kinda neat in it's "damn this is an awful lot like Bedazzled" way.

Anyway, time to get on with things and try to keep up as they speed right on forward at too alarming a rate for me to grab on.

I am very disappoint in myself. Very.

Here's a little thing I borrowed from my Jill (artemischan) Something to combat boredom which just made me more lonely, but that's okay. I got to think about a lot of special memories for a while.

Look at your closest friends...
Created by playintheleaves and taken 21 times on bzoink!
Of your friends...
Who have you known the longest?	Taryn
Who have you met and friended most recently?	Julie
Who is a brother to you?	Josh and Chris
Who is a sister to you?	Rachel
Who's arms do you feel safest in?	um...Krista
Who has the most interesting name?	either Taryn or Anja
Who knows all of your darkest secrets?	Krista, Taryn, Rebecca, Rachel, Ashes (no one really knows all, but if they all had a conference...)
Who do you spend the most time with?	Jessie. She is my roomie after all
Who would you spend your last days with?	Um...can I spend them with all of my friends?
Who gives the best advice?	Jessie/Krista
Give us a word of their advice...	"Live the life you want, not the one others want you to" (Both of them have said something to that extent)
Who has the most inside jokes with you?	Rachel
Opposite sex friend closest to you?	Josh
Same sex friend closest to you?	Rachel
Name three people you could share an apartment with	The original Northern Girls (+Jessie, which makes 4, but since we're pulling it off so far.)
Who picks on you most?	Jessie
Who do you pick on the most?	Rebecca
Who do you fight with most?	Rachel, though I don't know if you could really call them fights.
Who is the tallest?	Jake
Shortest?	Mike
Has best eyes?	Rachel
Best smile?	Jill
Nicest hair?	other than me? *smirks*
Smells nicest?	I've never noticed.
Who is smallest?	Evan
Largest?	eh...Sean.
Who has the most soothing voice?	I'd have to say Josh
Most comforting touch?	Jill
Gives the best hugs?	Rachel B.
Has, or is rumored to have, the best kiss?	I wouldn't know
Who is the shyest?	Other than me? Probably Becca.
Sweetest?	Rebecca
Funniest	Reno or Jeremy
Weirdest?	Jeremy
Smartest?	Lauren
Ditziest?	Krista
Has the most ambition?	Rachel B
Most potential?	Laurel
Who are you closest to?	Rachel
Who is the best listener?	Rebecca, Ashes, Krista, Kristin, Jessie
Who do you talk to most online?	Rachel and Ashes
Who do you talk to most on the phone?	Rachel
Who do you talk to most in person?	Jessie, Jill, Lauren
Who do you trust the most?	I couldn't really say. I trust too many people. It hurts.
Who is the best singer?	Jami, Josh, Laurel, Audrey
Dancer?	Krista, Josh, Jami
Actor?	Jami, Josh, Taryn
Writer?	Rachel B, Josh
Who is the prettiest?	Rachel
Sexiest?	Eric C. (especially as a woman)
Most suggestive?	Krista
Softest?	Rebecca
Sharpest?	Kristin
Who do you have most fun with?	Who ever I'm with at the time
Who do you do the most interesting things with?	Rebecca, Rachel (Chalking! Tea parties and vintage baseball!)
Who do you always do the same things with?	eh...Kristin, maybe...we always watch movies, but I love movies.
Who was the last person you shared a secret with?	Rebecca
Last person you suprised (what was it?)	eh...I'm not really sure, probably Taryn
Last person you gave a gift (what was it?)	Taryn (the clothing she pilfered)
Last person you gave something of yours (what was it?)	I don't really remember.
Last person you hung out with?	Other than Jessie? Jill and Alex
Last person you dreamed of?	Rachel
Last person who broke your heart?	Brook
Last person who made you laugh?	Jill
Last person who made you cry?	It's never really a person, it's usually an event. So...myself.
Made you smile, just a little?	rather attractive chemistry major
Made you smile really big?	Jeremy
Made you sad?	Rachel
Worried you?	Rachel
In a Final Fantasy Mission, who would you take with you as (include self):
The leader, "jack of all trades"/romantic icon	Josh
The magic-caster/Healer	Rachel
The physical strength/fighter	Brian
The technician/Pilot	Jeremy
The weapons specialist (IE sharpshooter, sniper, etc)	Alex
The intelligence/Strategist	Jake
Of your friends, who is the:
Brain	Lauren
Athlete	Brian
Princess	Krista
Basket-Case	all of us.
Criminal	um...
Who is the:
Obsessive one?	Rachel (and I love that about her)
Enigmatic/Mysterious one?	Taryn
Crazy one?	Krista
Artistic one?	Brook
Sexual one?	um...I don't know...
Lost one?	I would venture to say all of us
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

-Warning...I didn't mean for this entry to get so long, but it did. Below I lay out on the table the entire college controversy in my life from it's beginings in my sophomore year of high school. Some things may have been unknown and thus may offend, but I had to get it all off my chest, because it's starting to slowly kill me.-

I can hear my Rachel marching outside the window! *sigh* I feel kinda bad about not heading over to the stadium, especially after I said I would...I want to see her half-time show, damn it! However, I passed out again...only this time not in the middle of their hall on the way to the restroom like I did last night! yay! I have learned a very valuable lesson about eating delciously sweet doughnuts if you haven't eaten anything else all day. That and I don't even go to Mount football games by myself.

I just talked to my mum on the phone for a bit, after I convinced my dad, for the second time, that I was not hung-over (they have a dry campus, crazy man!). She's starting to seem a little more open to my "crazy ideas." After talking the whole way to Westerville with her and then my aunt about purpose and future careers and shit, I've been a bit lost. Hell, I've been a bit lost since the begining. Do I really even want to be a lawyer? Why do I want to be a lawyer? Is it because I'm greedy, selfish, and want to make a ton of money? Is it because I want to pursue a career that I know will be there for me 20 years from now? Or is it because I honestly have a desire to help people and see to justice? Listening to all those BME folk on Friday, did not help me deal with this. It just made me question even more what I want to do with my life. I always thought I'd go to Ohio Northern and study to be a high school history teacher, or at least that was the plan I came up with in sophomore year. That was the first plan. Why didn't I stick with that? Why did I allow myself to get so way distracted?

I remember the first time I visited Mount. My parents and I were going on a spree of college visits because Kelli was gone for the week and I had only visited Capital and Ashland thus far...and hated them both with the passion of several burning suns. We went to Marietta, hung a detour to Muskingum, hit OSU (cause my dad just wanted an excuse to take a tour of it...), and stopped by Otterbein. I was burnt out on colleges. I didn't want to see anymore because each visit confused me all the more. My parents said..."Just a few more." "Have you ever considered the Northern schools?" My aunt Leslie always asked. To be honest no, I hadn't, so we were off. It was Malone and Mount and me rubbing my eyes in dispair. Though, I have to admit...I loved Mount Union. I walked around and when I got my brochure for writing majors they had, I thought to myself, "This place rocks my socks." In fact, I do believe I wrote as much in my lj that day.

From there on out I had it starting to narrow down. Captial had the best location, but I didn't really like it there, others had better programs. Then one day on my second visit to Mt. my dad looked at me and said, "Are you sure you want to go here?" I blinked. What could he possibly mean? He continued. "I mean, it isn't much of an academic challenege. Did you ever think of applying to a school that might challenge your abilities? Did you ever think of applying to Case Western?" I had never heard of CWRU, except for the vague knowledge that my old friend Zara went there, and because my dad worked at Western Reserve there had to be some sort of connection I started to look into it. That is when the old 8th grade dream of being a lawyer (that had once been fueled by Clarissa and Krista alone) started taking shape. I applied, unsure of my chances, but I applied anyway. Mrs. Tucci even seemed proud when she wrote my letter of recommendation.

One thing I was most worried about, and the thing that most pissed my parents off, was my fear of being alone. I applied to Capital. Not because I wanted to but because Jami was supposedly going to go there. (Though, she ended up going to BG, so it's a good thing I decided against being a Crusader.) I fought with my mother for weeks over my Miami application, because at the time it seemed quite certain that would be Rachel's future home. (There's another that didn't go as I had expected...good thing.)In the end, she refused to give me the application fee and I had no choice but shove the application aside. That bothered me to no end. There was one last option. My dad brought it up at Thanksgiving. *cue dramatic music* Kenyon! Kenyon is one of the single most pretigous literature schools in the country and I was amazed by it, plus its location in Gambier didn't hurt it's standing in my mind. Taryn helped me to fill out the application, fueled by the idea that we would be only a few miles apart. (To this day, I do believe that this ordeal hurt Rachel. I'm still terribly sorry, darling.) I also applied to Marietta, with hopes of convincing a friend to at least visit (I got a familiar face, that was far, far, far from a friend.), Mount Union (with the same vain hopes), Wooster (on a whim), and Otterbein (also feeling that here I would be hoping in vain.)

The only school out of the seven I did not get excepted to was Kenyon. I quickly, and stupidly, crossed Wooster off my list due to my dad's constant threats that I could commute because he works in Wooster. Then went Capital due to it's conservatory music. I was now down to four and feeling insanely proud for getting that far. Scholarships were now going to mean the difference between everyting. Case offered me a very generous financial aide package, but in the end my parents decided that still wasn't enough. We fought about that until the day I made my final decision and even for a few days after that, because of course I didn't make my final decision until mid-May. I took one hell of an interview test at Mount Union and felt a strange sense of foreboding in the fact that I felt I did well. Mrs. Liberatore was trying to help me out. I was making charts and graphs. I was starting to realize that I wanted to study writing, though Mrs. Liberatore convinced me to also pursue another love of mine: The stage.

I auditioned for the very prestigous theatre program at Marietta college. Mr. Morris refused to coach me, though he did write a glowing letter of recommendation about how easily I fade into the background. T and I rehersed monologues and songs for a month solid in Algebra. I was not offered a position and I was very upset by this.
I stuck with English everywhere else. Not even daring to dream ouside the box of a future in the one thing that I loved. Otterbein gave me the departmental scholarship for English completely unexpectedly. I remember sitting in A.P. Gov and having Mrs. Tucci deliver letters to a very happy Ashely Jones, and a very confused me. I remember showing it to Rachel while I was locked out of the choir room and she was waiting for steel band to start. I remember feeling good about it. Then the parentals made everything all the more difficult by doing something I never believed. To this day I cannot understand why they did what they did and are still doing. They absolutely refused to let me to continue to consider Otterbein. Their reasoning was the most absurd thing I've ever heard. "Rachel might go there." Who sees the logic in this? My parents labor under the delusion that I followed Rachel around like a lost puppy and that this would surely continue in college. They said they could easily see us hating each other for having different interests and me being depressed when she made new friends more easily than I did due to band. I thought then, and still think to this day that that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. However, there was no way around it. They're paying the bills after all.

They let me keep up the pretence of considering Marietta, and I continued to fight on for Case, until mid-May. Sure, they delivered several ultimatiums about how I had to have chosen a college by "next week." But I would always say Case and there would always be words had. I found out in April, though, that Mount would give me quite the scholarship. Half of my tutition paid for on the spot. I was also offered a performance scholarship on cello, which I'm so glad now that I didn't take. This fueled their fervor for sending my to land of the purple raiding carnation. Still we visited both Mount and Marietta one last time. I remember when I came home from visiting Marietta and my dad said to my mum, thinking I couldn't overhear, "She's picked that school. The tulips were in bloom and they were beautiful." It's true, I fought tooth and nail for Marietta. It was the only thing I had left to realistically fight for. Something inside me, though it felt like home each time I visited, was terrified of Mount. One day though, a few days after those visits I told my parents with a heavy heart that I had made my decision. Based on the fact that Mount offered a writing major and legal studies and mass media minors (and also I do believe part of the final axe for Marietta was that I was still reeling from my rejection fromm their theatre department.) I had chosen to go to Mount Union. For an instance it seemed like I had sentenced myslef to death after the words slipped from my mouth.

Then for awhile, it felt good that I had finally made a choice, any choice, but guess what? That didn't last long at all. At all, at all. Then I got there. Over the summer I chattered about how we had the coolest mascot ever, and crap. Over the summer I actually felt a small part of me looking forward to attending what I had called since the first time I walked on campus, Dover in microism.

I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I don't know if I want to be a lawyer or a writer or anything at all. I don't even know where I am supposed to be. That's the hardest feeling. Did I stop considering Wooster much too hastily? Should I actually have looked at Ohio Northern, where I had originally intended to go? Should I have not based Marietta almost entirely on my rejection from their drama department? Should I have fought harder with my parents to gain their support of attending one of the many schools they axed for me? There are far to many "Should I haves" in my life. What I need to focus on is "What should I do now?" I've been going over my new potential major options, and getting more and more frustrated. My father, maybe just to confuse and upset me, I'm not sure, has taken to taking about Marietta and how it really would have been a good fit for me. My dreams of late have been torturous.

I know my new friends want me to stay in Alliance, with the Pisanello's Pizza across the street. A small part of me also finds comfort in this quaint little setting of being almost the same at home. But something inside tells me "This is your adventure, make it one that you want to remember! GO!" I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am in such a horrible state of confusion. The only thing I know I should do is meet Rachel and her parents at the fine arts hall once the cheering and marching band outside the window dies down. It's kinda metaphoric in a way that I didn't go. Stupid chicken Amy! One of these days, you'll learn to venture out on your own. One of these days you'll know what the Hell is going on with your life.